Am I Beautiful Now?
by We.Do.It.In.The.Dark.StageCrew
Summary: She wonders if life is truly worth it.......Please read and review! Oneshot


**Disclaimer: I own nothing...except the plot...**

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I am alone. I sat everyday amongst people, people who have pretended to be my friends, people who have pretended that they loved me, people who have pretended they cared. But I was alone.

They left me, Harry and Ron. They left me one night, sitting in the common room, alone. They said that Malfoy was right, that I was a mudblood, that I was nothing. Ron said that he didn't love me, that everything we had was nothing, that he felt nothing. Harry said that they had replaced me.

I cried that night, harder than I ever had. I had helped them survive school, survive life. I was there when they needed me. I was there when they needed help with homework. I was there when Harry faced Voldemort. I was there with words of encouragement, words of wisdom, words of help. I was there with love, concern, and care. I was there to help.

And they left.

Harry started going out with Ginny. She didn't mean to replace me, it wasn't her fault. But she did. At first, Harry and Ron sort of ignored me, and only came to me for homework help. At first I was jealous, but forgiving. Then they left me that night, telling me that they wished it hadn't come to this. They thought that I would just get the hint; that I would just leave. I thought I meant more to them after 6 years of friendship. I guess both of us thought wrong.

Things started going downhill after that night. People started to ignore me once they saw Harry and Ron doing so. At first I was angry. These were people who asked me for help, asked for my opinion. These were people who told me I was smart, told me I was pretty and told me I wasn't a mudblood. These were people who said they were my friends, and said they cared for me. They all wore a mask, and I was too stupid to see past it.

After a few weeks of torture, I began to rely on Malfoy. He allowed me to vent my anger, to show what I was actually feeling. But his insults became more personal, and more painful. He attacked my appearance, and my feelings. Everyone else seemed to agree with him. "Granger! Merlin, I'm not sure if I can look at your face," he'd say, "it hurts to much. Do us all a favor and comb your hair over your face."

One day in the Great Hall during breakfast, Malfoy walked past me, "accidentally" pushing my face into my morning meal. The hall erupted into laughter as he said, "This is a good look for you, Granger. Hides all the ugly." I turned to leave, and heard Ron laughing along and agreeing loudly. I broke into a run when I heard Ron telling Malfoy not to remind him of the thing he had with me.

My grades started slipping, and I no longer sit in the front. My parents and teachers are pressuring me to work harder, not noticing the taunting or the pain I endure everyday. I guess they wear a mask as well.

I spent a lot of time in the Astronomy Tower. I would watch the clouds roll in over the grounds. I would watch the sun hit the lake. It's beautiful in the tower. I realized how unfair it was that I didn't receive any of that beauty back.

After that incident in the Great Hall, I headed to the Astronomy Tower. I sat on the edge of the balcony, and stared at the sky and it's beauty. I wished for that beauty, and as I sat on the edge, I realized how high I was. It wouldn't take much to scoot over the edge. Maybe if I did that, then I would finally be beautiful.

I guess I spent too much time thinking about it. Dumbledore burst in as I sat contemplating. As he asked what I was doing, I couldn't help but wish he had come a second later.

After that day, things got worse. Taunting came from everywhere, I got no peace. Everyone seemed to take off their mask, and felt the need to throw it back at me. It was like they wanted to break me.

Well I guess it worked.

It's become to hard to go on. I can't stand the taunts anymore. I can't stand seeing Harry, Ron and Ginny out of the corner of my eye laughing. I'm tired of tripping in the halls, I'm tired of being reminded of how ugly I am and I'm tired of being ignored. I guess I'm just tired in general.

I want to sleep peacefully for once. I want to walk the halls without hearing whispers and cruel laughter. I want to be loved. I want to be told that I'm worth something. I want to be beautiful.

I guess since you're reading this you know that I've finally broke. You know that I couldn't take it anymore. You know that I'm done.

I want everyone to know one thing, before this letter gets crumpled up and thrown away, presumably forgotten. Before you turn your heads away, wipe away the tears that mean nothing, and move on, you need to know something.

I loved you all. Nothing you did ever stopped my love. You left me, you hurt me, you ignored me, and you even stopped loving me. But I never stopped loving you.

And I never will.

Before I sign this letter, and seal it shut, I have one last question. Am I beautiful now?

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Hermione Jane Granger jumped off the Astronomy Tower moments after sealing the above letter. It was read before the entire school the morning after by Professor Dumbledore. No one answered her question.

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**Please reveiw...thanks tons...**


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